Marc-Vincent Jackson

Today, the women were feeling playful, splashing each other with water and carrying on like sisters.  All of a sudden, Anta ran up and hugged Ruthie, who was wet and shirtless.  Ruthie hugged her back, laughing, and Jenny, having seen that look in Ruthie’s eye too many times, recognized it and started to scream.  Before she knew it she was in the middle of the women, pushing Anta away from Ruthie.

              “Get away from her, do you hear!  Keep your damn hands off my woman!” screamed Jenny in English at Anta’s confused face.  “Can’t these wenches keep their paws off you?” cried Jenny to Ruthie.

              “Get a hold of yourself! Relax! It’s just a hug, all right?” ordered Ruthie.  “What’s the matter with you - you scared her silly.”

              “Good! Good! GOOD!! That’s what she gets for fucking around!” retorted Jenny. “Now I understand: I’ve been a fool…A FOOL!  You didn’t have time to write me, did you?  I can see why; you were too busy SCREWING EVERY BITCH HERE...” Ruthie’s hand cut her off as it slapped her squarely in the mouth.  The other women shrieked and rushed in to break them apart, astounded at such violence.  Jenny tore from them and ran towards the village, screaming at Ruthie, “You don’t have to write me ANYMORE, Ruth!”  Ruthie, embarrassed by her outbreak, apologized for her to the other women, who were busy trying to console her.  Anta offered to go and follow Jenny, another wanted to go and bring her back.  An older woman warned that there must be some evil around the well, because other women had fought there.  Ruthie asked them to leave her alone, but the women were unanimous: they were there for support, because Ruthie was their sister.  Looking at where her hand was stinging and seeing the fresh lip print in her favorite color lipstick, Ruthie’s tears could have filled the well as she sank to her knees at its brim.

              It was after prayers when Ruthie entered the hut and found Jenny sitting in the dark with her backpack on.  Going through the necessary motions to light the lantern, Ruthie spread a mat on the floor and sat down at Jenny’s feet.  “Jin-Ying, come on, we need to talk now,” she said, extending her hand and gesturing for Jenny to join her on the floor.  A tear splashed Ruthie’s hand, then Jenny, sopping uncontrollably, gave her trembling hand, allowing Ruthie to pull her, backpack and all, onto the mat.  Jenny fought to say something, but her tears were choking off her apologies.  Ruthie eased Jenny out of the backpack and held her in her arms; Jenny buried her face in Ruthie’s chest as she rocked her back and forth, feeling her wet cries splash her heart.  “Hush, sweetie, just let me talk.  I know I’ve hurt you,” whispered Ruthie not proudly, but let believe me, I didn’t mean to.  Listen, Jin-Ying, you are my sister, and I’ve always wanted the best for you.  I ruined your life - you shouldn’t have left your family, and I felt that if I were away, you’d be able to fix things with them.  I was wrong honey, and I’m sorry.”  She kissed Jin-Ying’s hair and held her tighter.  I was trying to give you what you gave me: Life.  Jin-Ying I was trying to make things right, but I was too fucked up to know how.  Man, my father, my mother, all my folks, hell, they did a job on me, but I’m here, and I’m figuring it out.  No matter what my father did to me, I promised myself, no I vowed to myself, that he’d never get a chance to hurt someone again.  But I was wrong, he gets you through me every time - it isn’t fair Jin-Ying, but I’m realizing that it’s my problem and not yours.  You aren’t going to suffer because of my dad’s abuse, and even as much as you’ve tried, you can’t fix what he’s done.  But I love you for trying and I’ll love you always.” Ruthie pushed Jenny’s face up and looked down into her watery eyes.  “I mean that.  I’ll always love you Jin-Ying, so don’t you forget that when I say what I’m about to say.”  Warmly, Ruthie brushed a tear from Jenny’s cheek. “I’m not ready to go home.  I pray that someday I will be, but until I do, I can’t have you waiting.  Get on with your life.  Remember that I told you that I’d go home with you if you could give me as good as I’m getting here?  Let me tell you what I get here: Sisterhood.  I want to be able to hold a woman’s hand and share a secret with her, I want to hug women and yes, I definitely want to be with them, but most of all, I want what I never got from my mother nor my father: Affection.  Jin-Ying, the women here are like you; I ask for their affection, and they’re so kind and hospitable that they give me their love, just like you.  Oh God, Jin-Ying, never mind sometimes the bad crap in my life:  I’ve been so fortunate in the long-run…I’ve had you and the sisters in my village, so man, I’ve had it all.  That’s why I’m able to make better sense of it all now; you’re all empowering me and I understand what my father did to me. What’s better, I’m fixing it.”  She held Jin-Ying’s face in her palm.  “Jin-Ying, what I want with a woman is a caring relationship, a camraderie, a friendship, a sisterhood.  I think in America I could only satisfy this need in a sexual way; maybe you can’t relate to this, but after three crazy years here, that is where my head is at. I love you like the moon, Jin-Ying, but I can’t hold either of you in my arms or repay the beauty and the light you’ve given me.  All I can do,” continued Ruthie, “is be there for you, like you’ve been there for me.”  Ruthie kissed Jin-Ying affectionately on each cheek.  “I know all this doesn’t make much sense, but it does to me at night when I lay alone thinking about it, and Jin-Ying, I do lay alone at night, as I have ever since I came here.  Maybe someday it’ll make sense to you too and we’ll talk about it again, my Little China Girl,” teased Ruthie, only making Jenny giggle and sob tearfully.  “Whenever that is, be it tomorrow or when we’re old women and even older friends, let me know.  I hope it’s soon, because I’d like to come home someday with my act together - don’t you know I’m a wreck without you?”  Her arms could have held Jin-Ying forever, but when they let go, Ruthie found understanding under the tears in her eyes, like crescent moons that knew her life.  Like a sister who loved her.  Ruthie blew out the lantern and filled the hut with moonlight, glad that the moon was there.